Colorado's do-over starts here.
Let’s take a swing at policies that almost make sense. If they don’t add up, we’ll adjust the lie.
Seriously?
Mr. Chop stands for truth in handicaps, accountability in absurdity, and ideas that mostly hold up under light scrutiny. From the abandoned driving range HQ to the front lines of Fairway Justice, we reject the official story in favor of something far more believable. When satire becomes strategy, minimum viable sanity gets the votes.
Mandatory Snow Days
Snow days for parents.
Why should kids have all the fun? And, who's gonna make the hot chocolate?
The Mulligan Act
Fairways for the people.
Like in golf, everyone deserves a do-over. Taxes, parking violations, H1B applications? Just tee it up again.
Environmental Policy
Eliminating pesticides and saving prairie dogs.
Picture it: robots cruising field, zapping leafy spurge, spotted knapweed, and yellow toadflax. No chemicals, no runoff, no priarie dog casulaties.
ableist policies
Braille on currency - The Dollar Bill
"It’s a tremendous plan. People are calling it the greatest plan since the back nine at Mar-a-Lago. Everyone loves it. Even Jerome Powell loves it. A lot of people don’t know this, but all my wives have been blind.”
-DJT
PUBLIC SAFETY
Drone patrols, not HOA Nancys
"Mulligan Patrol handles porch pirates, HOA nonsense, golf ball trespassin’. But if somebody rollin’ dirty with a duffel bag full of meth, them drones light ‘em up like Augusta in April and call the big guns.”
Energy Policy
Fairway Justice Energy Hub
"Tonight, we turn Punkin Center from a methy prairie crossroad into the beating heart of Colorado’s next-generation energy economy.”
education reform
Quantum leaps for future generations
Because every kid’s day exists in superposition: prepared and not prepared; late and somehow on time; finished the essay and also, mysteriously, the dog ate it. We embrace the paradox.
Energy Policy
Punkin Center Polytechnic
Can your graduates modify DNA sequences, command a drone swarm and fold a fitted sheet? Didn't think so.
traffic, pollution, homelessness
Ending pollution, traffic jams, and sheltering the unhoused
Autonomous and always-charged micro-vehicles shrinking traffic and eliminating pollution? Repurposed parking garages as homeless shelters?
traffic, pollution, homelessness
Introducing The FairwayFlyer
"Data-driven intersections. Escalade displacement index. We start with golf carts, then introduce the FairwayFlyer and cash in like all good politicians."
traffic, pollution, homelessness
Boebert and the opposition
Chop's constituents & The Denver Post love CaddyPort. Can Boebert and the Asphalt Preservation League thwart a breath of fresh air?
healthcare
Hospital Rating & Slope
“Par tells you how hard it should be. Rating tells you what a scratch patient (someone with time, money, and a law degree) can expect. Slope tells you how much harder it gets if you’re just a normal human.”
drought prevention
Bringing Water East to West
In a bold plan. Mr. Chop builds a Trans-American Pipeline to carry excess water from the Eastern floodplains to parched Western states, while generating endless revenue streams for Native Americans.
Never argue with stupid people. They will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
Bumper Stickers
$25.00
Mr. Chop 2026
Shrink Traffic. Shrink Pollution.
All profits go to First Tee Colorado
Golf Attire
$29.00
Mr. Chop 2026
Fairway Justice
All profits go to Alcoholics Anonymous
Meet The Co-Conspirators
You know who they are, but the names are changed to something legally indistinguishable since they don't want phone calls...
coach
Prime Adjacent
Hermès Himalaya Birkin colostomy bag by his side, the highly quotable celebrity be talkin' fairness - "whether you’re sortin’ bills, swingin’ a nine iron or rollin’ up in a chair, gettin’ a fair shot at the GREEN, your GREEN. That’s PRIME policy, baby.”
campaign manager
Surfer Girl Dude
From the best band you've never heard of, the trusted sidekick and Chief Lie Adjustor rallies the crowds, slays the slogans, and manages the mirth.
And you thought the UK's Monster Raving Loony Party was absurd
Before you cast your ballot for Colorado's next governor, consider Mr. Chop. If you've already voted, take a mulligan.
$150K
Donations by people who probably should know better.
750+
Quotable jabs at The Charm Offensive saboteurs of Colorful Colorado.
97%
Of voters who actually vote know better.
Grip. Rip. Reform.
"Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason."
-Mark Twain
The Backstory: More Must Reads
A tech marketer-turned high school golf coach is reluctantly drafted into Colorado politics and discovers a conspiracy that refuses to remain fictional. He finds himself surrounded by mysterious inventors, space-obsessed tycoons, and unmistakable personalities who deny everything while explaining far too much.